I would admit that sometimes in the past few months, I have felt like the prophet Jeremiah. Crying, calling out....but to no [visible] avail. And I wonder.....did Jeremiah ever felt like there were no more tears to cry? Did he ever feel apathetic? Even momentarily? I wonder...did he ever lose his voice, and become discouraged with crying out?
If I were to be completely honest...I would admit that sometimes the word 'trust' sounds like a foul, four-lettered word to me. Tired, tainted, and broken..........[bah]. But I will fight for it.....I will try. And it will come.
If I were to be completely honest....I would admit that I am tired of seeing sin and compromise being 'managed' - in my life and in others. God help me to surrender it all! 'Sin management' is simply disobedience.
If I were to be completely honest.....I would admit that sometimes I just want to disappear. I want to hide away, shut my phone off, and just......be.
If I were to be completely honest....I would admit that more than once this week I have thought about going home for the first time in 1 year, and the thought of being JOYFULLY welcomed/loved simply for being ME has brought me to tears. To be welcomed with open and loving arms - not for what I can do or what I can fix - is so precious.
If I were to be completely honest....this has been a rough year, and my heart has felt like a punching bag.
BUT......if I were to be completely honest, I would admit that as hard as it's all been - it is drawing [or pushing] me closer to the Lord.
And that is where I want to be.