I desperately desire to be a clear communicator.
Unfortunately in wanting that, I tend to communicate with many words.
Aaaaand usually in the written form.
SO...forgive me...this could be long.

Lately I have been fighting, what feels like, the fight of my life.
A fight, not against flesh and blood, but in the spiritual realm. A fight between the spirit and flesh, and I know [with every fiber of my being] that there is a spiritual battle going on around me - for my very soul.

And boy, is it intense.

When I left Teen Mania, I stepped out of ministry/leadership for a good two years. Four years on, 2 years off.......sounds good, right? However, anonymity and complacency is not what the Lord has for me...thus I began to pursue getting into womens ministries at my church. Interestingly enough, once I began that process, I found that suddenly all these old struggles began to resurface. All of these strongholds that I thought were long broken, began to reform and reshape themselves. For the last 6 months, off and on I have been struggling..and faltering miserably. I have felt like somehow, I had happened to slowly meander my way into a valley...and haven't been able to find a way out. And this weekend, after another fitful failure, I gave up. I got angry, and I said 'ENOUGH'.

I am sick to death of living day to day, struggle to struggle, failure to failure, regret to regret.


In the light of eternity, these fringe-like struggles are silly and worthless. So, I put my foot down. I am striving after righteousness and Godliness. I am striving to beat down, take down, and mortify my flesh. [mortify: 1. To practice ascetic discipline or self-denial of the body and its appetites. 2. To undergo mortification; become gangrenous or necrosed. Dead.]

In the process of mortification of the flesh - comes the act of confession of sin, and accountability. With accountability and the desire for righteousness, there often comes consequences. Those consequences most often look like those who love you getting in your face and telling you the hard truth, in love. It can look like, being dragged to Bible study, when you don't want to go. It can look like people calling you when you least desire it - to ensure that you're doing what you should. It can look like having a friend with you while you rid your life of anything that can hinder you. It can look like receiving a text early in the morning so you don't bail out on a commitment  you've been faltering on.

It simply looks like LOVE - walked out.

It looks like John 13:34-35 "I give you a new commandment: that you should love one another. Just as I have loved you, so you too should love one another. By this shall all [men] know that you are My disciples, if you love one another [if you keep on showing love among yourselves]".

A new and precious friend shared the following scripture on their Facebook today:

"Those of us who are strong and able in the Faith need to step in and lend a hand to those who falter, and not just do what is most convenient for us". -Romans 15:1

For all of us, at most points in our lives we will be 'the strong and the able' ones. At others, we will be the ones faltering. Clearly, as of late, I have been absolutely faltering...and one day again soon, by the grace of God, I will be the 'strong and able' person.

Until then [genuinely], thank you to my sweet, strong, able and faithful friends, who have been lending me a hand. My prayer is when this season is over - I will be able to return the immense blessing.

I am immeasurably honored to call each of you friend.
You know who you are.

No comments: